Walmart Shenanigans
by Doktor Devious
Summary: My OCs go to Walmart to buy groceries. Along the way they encounter (dun dun DUN!) Alucard and Integra. What will happen? Who knows? M rating due to some language, mostly in foreign languages, and the occasional bit of violence.


Note from the Doktor: Inspiration for this fic was "Alucard at Walmart" by SirIntegrity and "Walmart Madness!" by Queen Authoress 'Starcy' Hand. Miss Hand, love the bit where Kirby kept drinking tomatoe juice and SirIntegrity...I couldn't stop laughing. In fact I almost died laughing. Keep up the good work, you two. I'll try to match the level of hilarity I got from those stories.

Still remembering what the frak I typed for The Idiot Saga's Continuum. Bear with me, ladies and gentlemen, I'll re-write it when I finally dig it from the back of my mind. Who knows, maybe I might find a few other things along the way. Like my Fort Madness maps in Halo 3 and Reach.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything I reference in this story. All I have is a cat named Shadow. I also do not own Hellsing. On with the story.

A man in a black suit is seen standing next to a dark green Dodge RAM along with a taller man in a dark blue sweater, black sweatpants and size 17 tennis shoes. The man in black looks at his watch and says "I know it takes women slightly longer than men to get ready but this is ridiculous." rather impatiently "Sorry, Lydia needed help with the corset and Sylvia is saying that she wants to stay home." a woman in her late teens wearing a strange circlet said to the man as she walked out of the house "Tell her that if she doesn't come we might forget her strawberries." the man said "Alright, Soren." the woman said before walking back to the house "Marie?" Soren called out "Hide the circlet. Use one of my hats if you wish." "I will." Marie said before going back into the house.

(Ten minutes later...)

"Jesus Chist!" the taller man yelled, "How long does it take to get ready?" Soren simply ignored him as a woman with pale complexion, not as pale as the previous woman, exited the grey-walled, two-story house "Sylvia will be along shortly." she said as she slid into the back seat, driver side, of the truck and fastened her seatbelt "Don't you dare forget my strawberries!" a younger girl screamed as she sprinted out of the house and slid into the front seat, shotgun position, and buckling the seatbelt "Now we just need to wait for the others." Soren muttered.

(Ten more minutes later...)

"I have to pee." The taller man said "I'm not stopping you." Soren said in a monotone "The girls are in there." Said the taller man "Al, I swear to God, I will kick you so hard you'll see the curvature of the Earth if you do not shut your gorramn mouth." Soren threatened "Besides, I'm sure they'll understand." Soren added as Al was walking up to the front door "I'd stay away from Alice if I were you, Alfonse." a woman with her thigh length white hair tied into a tight bun said as she passed the man mountain "Why is that?" he asked "Her Aunt Flo is in town." was the answer he got "Aunt Flo?" Alfonse asked "I've added them to the list." Soren calmly stated "Added what?" Al asked "We're just waiting for the others, Irene." Soren said as he gestured for Irene to get into the truck "Why'd you tie your hair up?" he asked "Didn't want small children to pull on it." was Irene's answer "True." Soren said as Irene climbed into the back seat of the truck, next to Lydia. Marie came out five minutes later and, after Irene got out, slid in next to Lydia, buckling her seatbelt "I'll sit in the back with Alfonse." she said "Don't want her throwing the big moron off the truck?" Soren asked "I-" Al started but was cut off by a swift right cross from Soren, who had to jump to perform said punch "Will shut your frakkin' mouth." He said, but it wasn't what Al meant to say. What he meant to say was 'I am not a moron!' but he will never get an opportunity to yell it. Two more minutes later Alice closed the front door, locked it behind her, walked to the truck and slid in next to Irene and closed one of the two suicide doors as Sylvia closed the other. Soren slid behind the steering wheel, adjusted the mirrors and-"Alice?" he asked "Not to set off your temper but we've been over this. Please buckle your seatbelt…" he calmly added- started the engine and, once Alice buckled her seatbelt and Irene and Alfonse are in the back, shifting the truck's transmission to reverse, pulling out of the driveway and rumbling off in the direction of the Wal-Mart.

Ending notes: My mom has this rule. The rule is a simple one. The car doesn't move so much as an inch until everyone buckles their seatbelt. She has this rule for good reason. To keep the occupants of the car safe and to prevent cops from pulling us over because none of us are wearing our seatbelt. The madness vill shtart in ze next chapter! Goodbye!


End file.
